Then he said … you “used me” and in that moment everything including her heart froze.
In a flash all the memories they had created seemed just an illusion … all the passion he ignited in her felt unreal, all those special moments they shared felt less pure and all that she was holding on seem to slip away.
While she loved him with everything she had and the only way she knew how to… he felt used. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was … neither were wrong.
Once the disbelief settled… rage of how dare he took over followed by self-victimization and then as the night turned into day… she began to see things in a new light.
When we say I… LOVE…YOU… to someone which of the three words is the most important? She wondered as the morning breeze brought the much needed relief to her heavily swollen eyes.
Is it “I” where it all begins? The one who puts their heart out there without any certainty, hanging desperately to the hope of experiencing the same feeling in return. The one who’s every word, every action and every emotion is guided by their definition of loving someone in the best possible manner…
But does this individual really have control over who they fall in love with, when, where or even how?? He / she just defines the way they express this emotion.
This emotion … that we often term as “Love”. As she experienced the warmth of the rising sun in the far horizon she questioned so is it “Love” … that’s the more important word then?
Oh ya! The word love … and a slight involuntarily smile appeared. The word that she often found profoundly inadequate to express the storm of emotions that engulfed her in his presence and more so in his absence.
It can’t be love…can it? Cause it’s not the emotion that defines us, rather we who infuse life into these emotions. It is not about love … it’s about loving.
His love for her and her love for him was unlike any … it wasn’t the fairytale romance neither was it an ethereal love story. It was… it was indeed a rollercoaster that caught them unaware at every turn and the only thing that kept getting them back was the thrill of experiencing it together.
They were the best of friends and the worst of enemies … careless teenagers by the day and hopeless romantics by the night … random plans and planned nothings … they were all wrapped into one.
Memories came in flashes as she sipped on the hot ginger chai hoping for it to soothe her soul. A tear trickled down to meet her happy smile as she realized… it’s YOU!
People fall in love…nahh … people fall in love with someone…someone who is their YOU. She fell in love with him … and him with her. Her love had to be about him and how it made him feel…nothing more nothing less!!
Her love was not hers at all… it was always about how he made her feel, he held the power to invoke those emotions in her and she ignited that desire in him. They were holding each other’s love and calming it as their own.
When he felt used and she felt misunderstood … it was because somewhere the “I” and the “Love” superseded in text and in life by what should always have been the guiding force “YOU”!!
The sun became brighter, the tea colder … the tears dried out and the smile grew brighter as she felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulder and a soft peck on her head.
With the most passionate kiss and an unsaid promise she whispered YOU I LOVE …